Season 1, Episode 9: Solitary

Synopsis for Justin: Sayid is off soul-searching and follows a cable and a French woman captures him. Hurley aslo builds a golf course.

1 minute 6 seconds--a giant cable buried in the sand, leading to the ocean! yup! right! Okay!

3 minutes 4 seconds--That's right, a trip-wire in the jungle, not only in the jungle, but in the jungle of some random island!!!! A trip-wire, fanfuckingtastic

3 mintues 27 seconds--nice one Sayid, guess you weren't as good as you thought

6 minutes 8 seconds--why the HELL is their a lightbulb on the island!? right, bc the island would have lightbulbs

6 minutes 57 seconds--okay, never mind, why is there a TABLE THAT SHOCKS PEOPLE ON THE ISLAND!? Mother of God.

7 minutes 18 seconds--and why the fuck is there a random woman demanding to know where Alex is? Who IS this woman!?

18 minutes 25 seconds--dayamn, Sayid about to get raped by a crazy French woman

19 minutes 50 seconds--H: "a freaking polar bears!" M: "polar bears..." C: "you didn't hear about the polar bear!?" ....classic conversation, even for the island, hilarious

21 minutes 30 seconds--of course the crazy French chick has a giant needle filled with some type of medication or something to knock him out...because she would find that on an island

42 minutes 16 seconds--why can you hear people whispering in the jungle...but no one is there

Season 1, Episode 8: Confidence Man

Synopsis for Justin: The rich blond girl has asthma but Sawyer is hoarding the inhalers, Sayid tortures Sawyer and is on the hunt for the person who hit him over the head

22 minutes 15 seconds--"Goodmorning *BAM*" classic Sayid, classic

24 minutes 20 seconds--thank god for an Iraqi torturer....that comes in handy on any desert island

29 minutes 5 seconds--I think Kate liked that

29 minutes 39 seconds--that's right Kate, punch him! Never had it in the first place! 

30 minutes 43 seconds--oh that's just nasty Sayid, way to hit an artery while on an island

Hrm, the last couple shows haven't had the super weird stuff. And some stuff has just been "naturally....because in the situation where the worst thing would happen would be that, ....that happened"

Season 1, Episode 7: The Moth

Synopsis for Justin: Jack & Charlie get stuck in a cave that collapses, and Sayid and Kate try to track a signal

4 minutes 45 seconds--I hate when Locke disappears and giant wild boars start chasing me!

6 minutes 22 seconds--oh NASTY John just cut that pigs throat

12 minutes 34 seconds--I didn't think shouting actually could make rock tumble down, but apparently it can cause a whole cave to come crashing down on the island

13 minutes 57 seconds--thank god Sayid realizes there is no reason they survived the plane crash

18 minutes 43 seconds--now that's just nasty, Locke skinned a boar

38 minutes 40 seconds--natural to get randomly hit over the head on the island...

Nothing too special like dinosaurs or anything

Season 1, Episode 6: House of the Rising Sun

Synopsis for Justin:  They go back to get water, Jack decides to move 1/2 the camp there, Korea guy fights Michael, and we find out that Korea woman is actually secretly fluent in English, because it's natural...

13 minutes 15 seconds--the island reeks of bodies

28 minutes 53 seconds--why is there an axe on the island!?

31 minutes 28 seconds--aaaaaaand she speaks fluent english...of course

33 minutes 43 seconds--I think the island talks to john

Okay, so basically, that's all...not too weird this time either....I think the weirdness really comes and goes....

Season 1, Episode 5: White Rabbit

Synopsis for Justin: Someone drowns, they are running out of water, and someone steals it so John goes looking for more. Oh yeah, Jack is also running through the island looking for his dead father.

50 seconds--someone swam across the vast ocean to the island...

4 minutes 58 seconds--again we see the creepy old man in a suit, it is normal now

21 minutes 25 seconds--naturally he was able to catch that root

**I can see now this episode won't be too  insane other than this damn father just appearing everywhere--face it, he's dead and you're hallucinating!**

22 minutes 4 seconds--John would appear right when Jack is about to die, John knows all

26 minutes 6 seconds--oh yeah,  tackle that kate, tackle!

39 minutes 15 seconds--so the giant freaky thing that you saw last time, and probably what tears down trees, is the islands eye? hrmm

31 minutes 55 seconds--I see dead people

33 minutes 13 seconds--let there be water! ...with a doll in it....

35 minutes 51 seconds--of course he stumbles upon his father's casket...sorta freaky, but since its the island, who wouldn't be lead to a deceased family member!?

36 minutes 50 seconds--or...okay...no body....because it's normal to have a dead man walking around an island

Season 1, Episode 4: Walkabout

26 seconds--I already know what's coming, and it annoys me, so let's start early...good god, his toes move....

48 seconds--good golly, his legs move!

1 minute 39 seconds--yep, airplane noises..*bark bark*

1 minute 42 seconds--I love how Sawyer is so snippy with everyone, adds flavor to an otherwise ridiculous show

Sorry...side note...if you were an actor and looked at this script before auditioning...how the FUCK could you take this show seriously!? I would've shredded it while banging my head on a cement wall.  Yeah, sure now they are making money off it, but I applaud all the actors/actresses who may have turned down these roles, simple because it's so fucking retarded.

2 minutes 44 seconds--"oh crud, now what"...Hurly's direct lines keep me going

3 minutes 7 sesconds--wtf were those, giant devil warthogs or something? At least those come standard with tropical island as opposed to the imported polar bear...

3 minutes 19 seconds--John knows all "boars" but wtf is with his creepy smile? He seems to always have a creepy smile

4 minutes 40 seconds--only 4 days...my GOD...

7 minutes 40 seconds--that's right, Locke knows how to throw knives....and stands like a cowboy

9 minutes 7 seconds--my sentiments exactly, Hurly, who is John Locke

9 minutes 13 seconds--phhhhh he woudl be a colonel...

20 minutes 14 seconds--I don't like John's old boss, he needs a good ass beating for being a dick

21 minutes 37 seconds--what a little fucking punk, I ought to beat that rude kid's ass! How rude can one be little fucking prick!?

22 minutes 40 seconds--Johns done gone and got pissed off

29 minutes 34 seconds--moving fucking trees again!? better be the god damn boar

30 minutes 21 seconds--please tell me that's a mother boar the size of a tree,  oh please, because it'd be so fitting for one to be on the island

33 minutes 56 seconds--creepy old man in suit on island...ahhh, mirage (maybe)

36 minutes 9 seconds--okay...still creepy man in suit on island...

40 minutes 9 seconds--I always feel sorry for John

40 minutes 20 seconds--first view of the wheel chair, hence the stuff earlier about toes and legs......John makes me so sad, he wants to go so bad and it is his destiny he says, he fully believes he can do it....let him go, now I'm sad...it makes me want to cry--I believe in you John!!!

41 minutes 59 seconds--yay John smiles knowing he'll never be back in that wheel chair, it makes me happy

okay, some absolutely retard things here. And while I'm sad about how people treated John, and now happy that he can walk....I just want to emphasize how unlikely that is to happen. Also, what massive thing did John see in the woods.

Season 1, Episode 3: Tabula Rasa

4 minutes 40 seconds--yes Hurly, a dinosaur....(then again there was a polar bear, so who knows what the fuck they'll throw at me next)

9 minutes 19 seconds--Sayid, why are you announcing this as if you were on the steps of a courthouse

19 minutes 39 seconds--because a guy with an infected wound can wake out of his semi-coma to automatically strangle a woman? yep, we are on the island

26 minutes 55 seconds--why does Charlie have a beard but John doesn't?

35 minutes 5 seconds--well at least she didn't kill him herself...

35 minutes 32 seconds--naturally the guy didn't die when Sawyer shot him...*gag*gag*gag* .... nice response Hurly "oh no way..."

35 minutes 48 seconds--chest...stupid, always the head

37 seconds 17 seconds--wtf John, calling monsters from the jungle? nah, the dog'll probably come running--it'd happen, it's the island after all

37 minutes 38 seconds--yeah, the dog should show up with a simple whistle that John was just somehow able to make...

42 minutes 38 seconds--first I thought "poor alone John Locke" then he had scary music...

Not a whole lot, but a little this episode

Misunderstood

Poor John Locke, he's so misunderstood on The Island.

Season 1; Pilot, Part 2

4 minutes 4 seconds--you are kidding me, she thinks this is a time to TAN!? Ugh.

11 minutes 46 seconds--Kate's armpits. You think I didn't notice? Where is the stubble. Presumable she was on a plane and probably didn't shave since that morning or the night before, not to mention the several days on the island, so where is the stubble. What's her secret--I wanna know.

22 minutes 44 seconds--for some reason I like John, I think it's because he's a misunderstood loner

23 minutes 30 seconds--I also love how John states the obvious to Walt "you're having a bad month" to the fact that his mother died and he's stranded on the Island after a plane crash

27 minutes 31 seconds--polar bear. tropical island. yes.

37 minutes 6 seconds--fucking numbers, fucking french transmission

39 minutes 36 seconds--either The Island or Bermuda Triangle, Charlie, I bet the Bermuda Triangle though

Not too much from this episode, though two notes:

(1) John cracks me the fuck up.

(2) Why the fuck was a polar bear on a tropical island and what evil bastard would kill a polar bear, those are as sacred as unicorns. 

Season 1; Pilot, Part 1

30 second in--Jack is laying on the ground in the middle of bamboo. I'm sorry, but why the hell wasn't he speared by the bamboo!? He just conveniently fell b/w it and it all fell in the right direction? Yeah right, he should have bamboo going right through his stomach.

42 seconds--Altho I can see a piece b/w his legs, barely missing his dick. The island must have protected him.

51 seconds--a dog shows up. a yellow fucking lab. yeah. because that would happen to me.

1 minute 39 seconds--well thank god for the alcohol, you'll need it now. why the FUCK didn't that bottle break on impact.

2 minutes 45 seconds--yes, because people survived those shards of a plane

4 minutes 38 seconds--a pregnant woman. can't have a plane crash and survivors without the pregnant woman.

5 minutes--well, did expect that guy to get sucked into the plane...

7 minutes 4 seconds--the wing would aim at the pregnant woman wouldn't it, it's only natural. and may I just state she fell on her stomach. 

9 minutes 37 seconds--because Jack is able to help people that well when he is clearly that hurt.

17 minutes 45 seconds--yeah, the guy with something sticking out of his abdomen is going to live. right. yeah he WOULD have been sitting next to you. Christ. 

21 minutes 10 seconds--naturally noises and crashes and trees falling down....so natural...

23 minutes 20 seconds--I always see people fly up and hit the ceiling spread eagle during turbulence on an airplane. wtf. 

25 minutes 14 seconds--hahahahahahahahaha nice John, NICE

25 minutes 17 seconds--guess Kate wasn't amused, I dunno why, poor John :(

29 minutes 4 seconds--naturally, the noises and moving trees are back, damn island

35 minutes 45 seconds--yes, noise, more noise...and how would Kate know if it is outside or not.

35 minutes 50 seconds--yup, a giant shadow, of course

36 minutes 37 seconds--yeah...pilot gets sucked out the window and bloodied to death by the noise-shadow thing. only on this damn island.

39 minutes 49 seconds--only the island has off on switches for rain

At least Charlie questions the insanity of this too.

Magical Island Powers

Lost. How is it one of America's favorite shows!? It is completely illogical, unreasonable, and I can't believe someone even could make this shit up. Most of what bugs me is simply because something absolutely, positively idiotic happens...and as I say, "yeah, only on the island." Otherwise, I go crazy when something happens simply because it IS the island. Like the damn island is alive. Mother fuck NO that is NOT realistic and I don't care WHAT island it is, it just doesn't happen!

So this will chronicle my hate and disbelief of Lost and The Island.

Grrrr